My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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