I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
