Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Pooping to opera.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
