She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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