y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
