Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
