I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
