Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's not a walk of shame if you run
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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