3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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