put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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