i think i have herpe
just one?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
