I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
