He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
