the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
