Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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