handjob tips. give me some.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
