I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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