it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
