Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
