"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
