Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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