Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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