If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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