you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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