every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
