How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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