I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
