remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
