Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
