My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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