Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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