i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
