He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
