I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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