I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
