i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
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JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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