Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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