you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
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If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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