ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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