I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im holly from the hills drunk
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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