Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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