i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
