dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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