This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
