I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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