none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
