You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize