WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
