it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
