Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
