you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize