There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
