Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
