Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
