Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
