he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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