why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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