we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
