I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
