i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
