He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
