i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
