Sry I called you an 8
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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