I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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