She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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