Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
