someone get that fucking seahorse.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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