He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
